hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   If I was a ghost on "Ghost Whisperer" the first thing I would ask Jennifer Love Hewitt is "are those real?".

   When the car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a bit so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic.

   Drank a Rockstar and now I'm patiently waiting to break furniture in a hotel room.

   I tought my niece well, when we were carving our pumpkin I heard her wisper to it "that's what happens to snitches"

   The Longest a man can hold out without eating is 4 months but me and my checking account are challenging that.

   "Fight fire with fire" - unequivocally the worst advice I have ever received. My house just burned even faster.

   I need an app that just screams "Put the phone down and go do something, idiot!" whenever I pick my phone up.

   No Hulu, no ads are relevant to me, because I lack the funds to have any purchasing power whatsoever.

   I wasn't whole until we met. Only now am I a complete idiot.

   My ideal job would be "Guy in infomercial who is legitimately baffled by simple, everyday tasks."

   I don't know if It's considerate or Ironic that McDonald's wraps their hamburgers in toilet paper

   I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend

   My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming 'Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained.

   I really wish I knew why my real parents sent me to Earth without my superpowers.

   Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write to people and pray they cash them at the teller just to make things interesting...

   Judge told me I had to go to the DMV to get a "blow and go" I was so excited I ran to the hottest girl at the DMV. Now waiting for a bail bondsman because apparently our definitions of a blow and go are waaaay different

   The fact that women don't sell ad space (transparent stickers) on their cleavage is baffling to me.

   I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don't know anything about cars, but I do know how po rn starts off

   A crazy woman tried to chase down my car as I left Walmart. Maybe it was the previous owner. She looked a lot like the baby in the backseat

   Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.