KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   What no one tells you about rock bottom is that it has a fantastic open bar.

   Don't say all guys are the same when it's just you who keeps falling for the same type of guys. The losers and the abusers.

   Being faithful to your boyfriend or girlfriend should be common sense. But there is always that one retard that did not get the memo.

   If you watched a movie of my life backwards it'd be about a guy who refills vodka bottles and puts them back on the self.

   When a woman doesn't cry over you anymore, it means another man is making her smile.

   Dude, she called you short! "Oh Hell No! Lift me up!"

   I need hospital etiquette advice here guys. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?

   Ladies; Don't be a woman with teenage problems!

   Having personally eavesdropped hundreds of times, I can confidently confirm that GIRL TALK is much more devious, coniving, detailed, dirty and disgusting than GUY TALK

   I don't feel bad about online shopping at work. It's the only place where I can spend money WHILE I make it.

   Have you ever done it kitty style? It's like doggy style, but with purring, scratching and biting.

   When will women ever learn? Never post pictures of yourself and your hotter friend posing together. Especially when she has bigger boobs than you. It will only make you invisible and insignificant.

   I don't see dead people, I just see people that I wish were dead.

   Ladies, if what you did to him cannot be fixed with a blow job then I suggest you better start looking for a new boyfriend.

   Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools and idiots are on the same side.

   I wish bugs understood the concept of personal space

   Osama's last words, "Who is there?"

   My dramatic exit was ruined when I forgot my phone.

   A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”

   Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.