GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtain for murderers: What exactly is the plan if you find one?
←Rate | 01-14-2024 05:57 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip #10: Whenever your wife can't decide where she wants you to take her out to eat, take her to her least favorite restaurant, and then order her her least favorite food item. From then on out, she will at least always give you an option.
←Rate | 02-25-2023 07:51 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, the customer with the most money.
←Rate | 02-24-2024 06:05 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!
←Rate | 07-06-2024 07:39 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't get a reservation at my local library. They were booked!!!
←Rate | 02-22-2024 06:07 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.
←Rate | 12-09-2023 07:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.
←Rate | 07-14-2022 08:50 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.
←Rate | 05-30-2024 05:49 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to social media! A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.
←Rate | 07-17-2024 05:36 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: When your wife is sitting in her chair, scrolling through Tiktok, just ask her why the house has not been cleaned up yet and why she is sitting there, like a bum, doing nothing!
←Rate | 02-19-2023 10:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!
←Rate | 01-16-2024 10:38 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I block you on social media and you see me in public, the block still applies in real life.
←Rate | 07-16-2024 05:39 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.
←Rate | 06-28-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.
←Rate | 09-12-2024 05:45 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a firm believer that every traffic jam begins with one idiot.
←Rate | 02-13-2024 09:11 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.
←Rate | 06-27-2024 08:42 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a thought, and then I had another thought. They bounced off each other and now I can't find either one.
←Rate | 04-06-2024 08:10 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
←Rate | 09-16-2024 08:48 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: If your wife is slumming it around the house, just use your "Male-dominated voice" to tell her to get up, and get to work. She will respect you, and get up and do her job.
←Rate | 02-26-2023 10:47 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was watching a TV show on the top ten ways to avoid a shark attack. I was shocked to hear that "stay out of the water" wasn't number one.
←Rate | 02-10-2024 08:17 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  




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