hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Muffins are just ugly cupcakes

   I'll probably never love anything as much as this sweet old lady sitting next to me at the Blackjack table loves her next cigarette.

   Brett Favre has joined Twitter. I'll be giving him a little time to figure things out before I click on any of his Twitpics.

   Hope the boss learns not to call people in on Saturday afternoon with no advance notice. Half the department is drunk! This should go well.

   Wondering why MTV hasn't done "15 and Slutty" yet. Seems kinda like a no-brainer.

   My Mama is gonna be pissed when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.

   And then one day she realized she could never love a man who could name more than 2 Kardashians.

   Weird to think we're just fifteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother.

   If you play "the next song that plays on shuffle is our song" game with me, you better be okay with "Batdance".

   The best tasting thing at Whole Foods is not nearly as good as the worst tasting thing at Dunkin' Donuts.

   If you ask for one of my fries, sure, I'll give you one. But don't think for a minute that I'm not FURIOUS about it.

   Interesting that a lot of religions are anti-pork because bacon is the thing that makes me believe in God.

   A bipolar police officer would be awesome at playing good cop, bad cop.

   if you ask me my sign so you can see if we're compatible or not, I'll save you the suspense... we're not.

   I want whatever drugs make sign twirlers tolerate their jobs for more than 9 seconds.

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're panicking over who's next to go.

   The more you know, the less you need to say.

   Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.

   Ghandi, MLK and Nelson Mandela are heroes of mine because they preached non-violence and also I don't think they wore Tap Out t-shirts.

   The Longest a man can hold out without eating is 4 months but me and my checking account are challenging that.