Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 10:27 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 07:21 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon An average person farts 13 times a day......... finally!! I'm above average at something.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 07:03 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s so cute when billionaire philanthropists donate less than 1%. Bless their hearts.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 04:46 by RyanRyan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 40
←Rate | 09-14-2018 01:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I felt naughty asking for my latte to be extra frothy
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always give fat people wrong directions so they can get much needed exercise.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your 40's. You get horny anywhere, anytime. Without warning.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 00:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This guy at work said not to use (SSD) solid state drives because if they get infected with malware it spreads faster.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come on people, drink a cup of Folgers and wake up.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 17:25 by IDTN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions
←Rate | 09-13-2018 13:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon If you send an e-mail to someone in jail, are you allowed to attach a file?
←Rate | 09-13-2018 13:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We need a reality show where Flat-Earthers attempt to find the edge of the planet.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 11:56 Comments (4)  

   messageicon What if you are an atheist, and you're stuck behind a guy with a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker at a traffic light?
←Rate | 09-13-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What to do when your partner is snoring? Simply push them off the bed with your feet and shout, “Did you feel that earthquake” when they fall to the floor.
←Rate | 09-13-2018 01:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm watching the hurricane coverage on the weather channel. I hate to be insensitive but, can anyone really pay attention to what the officials are saying when the sign language lady is flailing about?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 21:26 by Timk Comments (1)  

   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon 9/13 Happy birthday Milton Hershey, thank you for the Hershey bar. Also is Scooby Doo day.
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Weather forecasters have identified yet another tropical depression in the Atlantic Region which could potentially grow into a mega storm of epic proportions. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has appropriately named it Common Core Math
←Rate | 09-12-2018 14:33 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  

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