jake Funny Status Messages

   The difference between broccoli and boogers. Kids won't eat broccoli.

   Starcents, it's like Starbucks only cheaper.

   I'm not saying my wife is overweight or eats to much, but I had too put an engery saving lightbulb in the fridge.

   such an unthoughtful farmer that he wants to smash his neighbor's White Mystery Eggs and slaughter their Baby Calf if he can't get them off his News Feed.

   Does anyone really ever listen to the wedding march melody? Dumb dumb de dumb ...... Dumb dumb de dumb.

   How can fish get high? With seaweed.

   committed to TWAT. (The War Against Terrorism)

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.

   At Halloween never go to a dog park dressed as a fire hydrant.

   What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice to long?....... Polaroids

   After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)

   I like to stop the microwave with one second to go. It makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.

   In California, ever day is now 420

   There are 2 types of people on Facebook: those who have a way with words, and the others, who, don't... not... have... way.

   Feeling down? Just play your wedding tape backwards and you'll feel better.

   I don't mind going to work every day and working with a bunch of a**holes. I'm a proctologist.

   Women have better minds then men because the keep changing their minds.

   A gambling addiction can cost you your marriage or win you a divorce

   The smog is so bad in my city that in the mornig the birds wake me by coughing in stead chirping.

   I'm not one for eating oat-meal. My box of Quaker oats is so old that picture of the quarker on the box has brown hair.