Sully Funny Status Messages

   Good mourning...... I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day, oh..everyone except Jerry Sandusky!!

   Forgive me Oprah for I have sinned. This is my first confession in twenty years....

   My Facebook wasn't working this morning, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people....

   If Wesley Snipes had paid his taxes our country wouldn't be in this position.....

   Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.

   The sucky thing about rapture is that I was totally going to start a workout regime THAT NIGHT. Stupid end of days.

   The barista at Starbucks gave me a free Mocha this morning! Must be a follower...... Facebook fame is finally paying off!

   Dear air conditioning: I don't think I've ever truly expressed how grateful I am for you. Now please keep cranking out that cold air.......

   If Donald Trump combs his hair back live on TV facing the camera, I'll send a check for $5 to any "Hair Club For Men" chapter of his choice....

   McDonalds Golden Arches is kind of like Batman's Bat-Signal for fat people....

   Rob Ford is slowly becoming one of the greatest Canadians of all time....

   On a positive note..... North Korea can only reach the west coast, nobody cares about them anyways.

   Apocalypse Update Day 2: Still here....... Damn!!

   BREAKING: NY Jets trade Kellen Winslow for Pee Wee Herman...

   We all should pee slow and sporadic tonight in honor of Dick Trickle.... RIP

   PS Don't light every scented candle you own if the power go's out. You'll have a Yankee Candle store-grade headache....

   Now accepting wagers as to which will be the faster and more prolific descent today: Felix Baumgartner space jump or the Buffalo Bills....

   FYI - I just opened washing machine and found clothes, but no one was wearing them. Rapture, anyone???

   Hey guy's, I just found out that The Rapture might be delayed. Apparently God is waiting on his crops to be ready on Farmville first..........

   Too bad Waldo wasn't on that missing Malaysian airliner, someone would have found it by now......