GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When a woman says, "Correct me if I'm wrong", do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.
←Rate | 03-27-2024 06:09 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: Anytime you tell your wife to do something, use your Male-dominated voice and finish it by saying "I HAVE SPOKEN!!!" She will then realize that you are always right, and she will go do what you asked her to do.
←Rate | 03-19-2023 10:01 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you honk at me .025 seconds after the light turns green I'm going to put my vehicle in park, adjust my seat, check my tire pressure, change my oil, return some emails, eat a snack, read a book, brush my teeth, nap, and build a LEGO set.
←Rate | 02-16-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket and that you're a really good catch!
←Rate | 01-24-2024 05:58 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think we should cancel April Fools this year. There is no prank topping reality.
←Rate | 03-21-2024 09:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip 101: It is very important that your wife understands Commandment Number 1 in regards to marriage: "Thou shalt not nag". As soon as she understands this, she will grow in her duties and responsibilities as a wife.
←Rate | 01-15-2023 13:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointing away from earth?
←Rate | 02-09-2024 06:02 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think Facebook needs a "Slap you in the Face" button.
←Rate | 10-29-2023 08:50 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!
←Rate | 03-14-2024 10:33 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with autocorrect is that it often makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.
←Rate | 01-28-2024 10:52 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless and to humor the disturbed.
←Rate | 10-11-2023 17:07 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?
←Rate | 12-16-2022 10:36 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I say your slow, I mean that you are as fast as a herd of turtles stampeding through chunky peanut butter. That's slow!
←Rate | 03-22-2023 06:00 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Toilet was stolen out of city hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on.
←Rate | 09-13-2023 05:58 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The clocks go back this weekend. Hopefully back to when we could afford groceries.
←Rate | 03-06-2024 08:51 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are scams all over the internet! Send me just $19.95 and I'll show you how to avoid them!
←Rate | 07-26-2024 06:12 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm off to the park to laugh at all the joggers.
←Rate | 03-02-2024 05:55 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the biggest lies I tell myself: I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.
←Rate | 10-25-2024 10:24 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon People cheating on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.
←Rate | 10-22-2024 05:51 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!
←Rate | 07-03-2022 07:15 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  




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