Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon when a friend messages you a GIF image for your birthday, is that a birthday GIFt ?
←Rate | 08-27-2018 21:37 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."
←Rate | 08-27-2018 17:53 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or is Tom cruise starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?
←Rate | 08-27-2018 14:36 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear problems..plz gimme a discount..I'm your regular customer
←Rate | 08-27-2018 12:31 by raman911 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing says “I believe in you” more than when a waiter gives you a single napkin.
←Rate | 08-27-2018 12:21 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  

   messageicon I seem to have discovered a new diet plan that appears to be really working for me that's called The Cost Of Food.
←Rate | 08-27-2018 11:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And in other news, Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam. His new name is Kareem of Wheat.
←Rate | 08-27-2018 07:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with women is they will assume everything but the position.
←Rate | 08-27-2018 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gas prices are so would be cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere!
←Rate | 08-27-2018 05:42 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know, I have never been told not to come to a funeral, have you?
←Rate | 08-27-2018 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For National Dog Day, I told my neighbor's dog to get out of my yard. It's National Dog Day, not take a dump in your neighbors yard day.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 22:45 by BigToe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Australia Doesn't Exist And People Who Live There Are Actors Paid By NASA.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 22:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every dog has it's day . . . mine has his on the first day of March at H&R Block and usually ends up with a huge tax refund!
←Rate | 08-26-2018 16:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never drink because I wouldn't want to appear relaxed or approachable.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cop: You ran someone over. What was your motive? Me: Auto.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alexa, break up with my girlfriend for me. Alexa: You don’t have a girlfriend. Wow you’re fast.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 04:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon being #1 isn't always the best, the most popular pencil is #2 .
←Rate | 08-25-2018 19:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's funny, when my wife gives me the silent treatment. She actually thinks it's a punishment.
←Rate | 08-25-2018 18:36 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm afraid if I start working out I'll be too sexy
←Rate | 08-25-2018 06:17 Comments (1)  

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