Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 13 of 6376

   messageicon Guys, if the relationship fails, don't blame her only. It takes 2 people to mess up a relationship. Blame her and her mother.
←Rate | 02-11-2024 10:47 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t forget to pay your taxes by April 15 because 30+ million illegal aliens are depending on you
←Rate | 02-11-2024 06:16 by BoneHead Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was watching a TV show on the top ten ways to avoid a shark attack. I was shocked to hear that "stay out of the water" wasn't number one.
←Rate | 02-10-2024 08:17 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointing away from earth?
←Rate | 02-09-2024 06:02 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who cheat on their taxes disgust me...this is not the world I want to raise my 32 dependents in! 😉
←Rate | 02-07-2024 13:10 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  

   messageicon If what you have to say to me is going to take longer than the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" just don't! I won't be listening anyway
←Rate | 02-07-2024 10:37 by @ttmichael09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on.
←Rate | 02-07-2024 05:55 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once dated a woman who wore crotchless underwear. After our 3rd date, she said, "Hey, big boy. You want some of this?" I said, "Heck no. Look what it did to your underwear!"
←Rate | 02-06-2024 06:18 by BoneHead Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.
←Rate | 02-06-2024 06:02 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is our Mahoment!!
←Rate | 02-05-2024 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to popular demand, the Kansas City Chiefs are changing their name to the Kansas City Swifties.
←Rate | 02-05-2024 10:53 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when people text me: "Call me". I'm gonna start calling people and when they answer, I'm gonna say, "Text me", and hang up.
←Rate | 02-04-2024 10:11 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is tell them to get out. I don't like visitors.
←Rate | 02-02-2024 10:24 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon I burned 1000 calories avoiding someone I know at Walmar
←Rate | 01-31-2024 01:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon AI photos are like instant mashed potatoes. You can easily tell they're weird, tasteless and nowhere near the real thing.
←Rate | 01-30-2024 09:02 by FezzeeLarry Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: [donating my body to Science] Science: [donates my body to Goodwill] Goodwill: [Leaves body on their lawn, with a sign that says "Free..please take!"] 🤷
←Rate | 01-29-2024 16:07 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taylor Swift is worth $1.1 billion, yet you imbeciles let her live inside your skulls rent free.
←Rate | 01-29-2024 15:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.
←Rate | 01-29-2024 05:55 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with autocorrect is that it often makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.
←Rate | 01-28-2024 10:52 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chewbacca's redneck cousin is Chewstobacco
←Rate | 01-27-2024 20:22 Comments (0)  

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