Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Sometimes I read Facebook status updates and I can't understand them. Then I say to hell with it and read some that aren't mine.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does my phone insist on reminding me my battery is dying, wasting even more of my battery!
←Rate | 10-26-2010 13:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 16:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does every wireless provider say that they have the best, fastest, most covered 4G network? Someone's lying.
←Rate | 02-07-2011 20:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...
←Rate | 06-19-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I liked you better before we met.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 20:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hello modelling agency?" "Yeah, my Facebook photo has 27 likes and I think I'm ready to go pro."
←Rate | 04-12-2013 11:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 14:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new boss: Those cigarettes will kill you. Me: My Great-Grandfather lived to be 102. Boss: Smoking? Me: Minding his own business.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm set on running a yellow light and the person in front of me chickens out.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the new Titanic 3D is out.......... Maybe they'll see the f*cking iceberg this time.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She's been talking for the last 2 days and doesn't seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
←Rate | 05-21-2012 12:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mark Zuckerberg screwed over his class mates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on the new Timeline layout?
←Rate | 04-02-2012 13:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking about writing a children's book called "Stop asking me for sh!t."
←Rate | 09-27-2011 15:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon WTF are birds so amped up about at 5:30 in the morning?
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Medical fact: Half of the population has a sex addiction. The other half has a vagina.
←Rate | 09-30-2011 09:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All voicemails from my Grandmother start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with her trying to dial another number.
←Rate | 09-30-2011 11:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So it's said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I say, "What doesn't kill me better run like hell!"
←Rate | 06-30-2011 16:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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