Sully Funny Status Messages

   I am going into my sequester bunker now, someone call me when this nightmare is over! I am terrified......

   Watching "Hitler's Hemorrhoids" on the Military channel......

   In memory of Mr. Food's passing, I will eat a lot of food tomorrow, and I will inappropriately be saying, "Ooh! It's so good!" after every bite throughout the day....

   No one told me another rapture was scheduled for today! WTF, I'm not prepared.......

   Gadaffi will take many secrets to his grave: dirt he had on Bush; dirt he had on Blair, but also how to spell his name correctly.....

   I think Biden would be a hell of a Walmart door greeter.

   Maybe we should just crop dust North Korea with Chronic Smoke! Just calm that whole area down a bit! I'm sure Colorado could support the mission......

   Working on my (throwing rocks at) people skills....Just in case

   Don't worry guy's, my family could hold off North Korea by ourselves......

   I have 3 babysitting rules. 1. Don't touch my Oreos. 2. Don't bug me unless you're dying. 3. If you don't tell on me, I won't tell on you........

   Goodnight.......I have to get up early to siphon gas from my Mexican neighbors lawnmower just to get to work tomorrow.

   Just choked on someone's fart cloud in the computer lab. The Rapture can't come soon enough.

   FYI Friends; DO NOT "share" Nolan Daniels's photo. It only ruins YOUR chances of winning!

   If you swap five copperheads for a rattlesnake, your kids still won't be any safer in the yard. Same with terrorists and traitors.....

   Dear Lord.....Please lead the NFL out of this referee lockout and deliver us scab free officiating. Amen.

   Hey Obama … I just took a leak, but I didn't have my phone with me. Thought you'd like to know.

   I bet Zimmerman didn't even kill Martin. I bet it was Aaron Hernandez....

   Summary: IRS sorry about abusing govt power, now register your guns you paranoid freaks.

   I'm going to reserve judgement on the Super Committee until I see them in their costumes........

   Thought about hitting the gym today but I called ahead and they said the shake weight is still out of service so screw that.........