Mickey Funny Status Messages

   They should rename Hockey "H0nkey", 'cause it's one of the last major team sports still dominated by Caucasoids. Thank G0D.

   I wonder if young people on honeymoons today have as much sex as we did when I was young. For the first week on our cruise, most people thought my wife and I were Siamese twins.

   Many people are afraid of heights. Not me, though. I'm afraid of widths.

   My girl has the crabs, I suggested fishnet stockings.

   If I become President, I'm going to change the name of the Rocky Mountains to the Smokey Mountains since weed is legal over there.

   I was notified that I've been chosen to be the new "Adam" on Mars. They've selected an Eve. I hope to G0d she remembers to bring the snake and the apple.

   One positive thing about internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whoever you meet.

   An error occurred while not trying to add your sorry a$$ to my database. Please try again later.

   I insisted that my girl accompany me on a fishing trip. That opened up a new can of worms.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.

   The other day I went for a job interview, do you think it was a bad idea to ask if they ever press charges?

   When someone posts this: "Last year was wonderful....this year has been pretty awesome too! Can't stop smiling...bring it on!" It actually means: "I didn't do j@ck $hit."

   I don't know how I didn't get pulled over by the cops last night. I was definitely driving under the influence of a good bl0wj0b.

   Auto correct did me in. I've been seeing a girl who perspires a little when we have s-e-x. Hot. I typed, "Hi, sweety", and it changed it ti, "Hi, sweaty." Now she won't take my calls.

   Do you think the other planets are mean and make Jupiter cry by calling him fat?

   there really a benefit to listening to a Hip Hop CD in shuffle mode?

   Some of you are so antiquated in your thinking...that whenever I click on your timeline, I find myself in 2012. BC

   White Americans killing off other Americans is a psychological issue, not an ideological one.

   My doctor needed a stool, a ur-ine, a se-men and a blood sample. I gave him my underwear.

   I'm hungrier and more frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill.