hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   "The guy at the first window called you a little b!tch." - Me at the second window at the Burger King Drive-Thru.

   Its funny how head and shoulders becomes head, shoulders, knees and toes, when I run out of body wash.

   If people were meant to pop out of bed first thing in the morning, we'd all sleep in toasters.

   Some peoples glasses are half full, some are half empty but mine is cracked and leaking valuable water

   It's so hot I witnessed my dog catch fire while "draggin' ass" on my dead lawn.

   My bucket list is just a list of things I want to eat a bucket of....

   Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today… He just yelled at me.

   Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you

   I've learned sooo much from my mistakes.. I'm thinking of making some more

   If you were getting sexts from someone you're not interested in, does that mean you got molexted? Or is it textual harassment??

   I need an app that just screams "Put the phone down and go do something, idiot!" whenever I pick my phone up.

   Say no to drugs. But if the drugs you took are talking to you, then please share them with me.

   Every time I say stop, an epic battle takes place in my head where I decide whether to follow it with "in the name of love" or "hammertime."

   I appreciate the transparency that the Domino's pizza tracker provides, but updates like "Carl dropped your pizza" and "5 second rule" are a bit much

   If you've never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.

   Why is it cute when your 3 year old presses her nose against the glass outside the ice cream shop? Whenever I do that I'm told to back off because I'm scaring the customers

   Well, it turns out my eye patch is actually something called a "Jock Strap" & suddenly I'm not allowed into the Pirate Party

   They say there's no such thing as a free lunch. Well, I'm in a posh restaurant right now, and I've got a spider in a matchbox that says otherwise.

   Apparently, armored truck drivers don't really like surprise hugs as much as I thought they would

   The saddest part of the recession is all of the laid-off workers at the C+C Music Factory