Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Your Nano died? No biggie, just recharge it. Oh. You said "Nana", didn't you? Damn.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If killing them with kindness doesn't work, just kill them.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon tonight my phone made this weird noise ive never heard before,so I googled it and apparently someone was trying to call me
←Rate | 07-24-2018 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonder why a wonderbra is called a wonderbra? Because you wonder where their tits went when they take it off.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 15:14 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once I ate a whole banana, skin and all. I found it quite unappeeling.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Hey! No fair! You cleaned the bathrooms last week! It's my turn!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died! ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We're all 60% water, so get off your high horse "aqua" man
←Rate | 07-23-2018 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:38 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:35 by Appstatushub Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Autographed Lorena Bobbitt stake knive set for sale $19.95"
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:13 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Confuius said "Never check the depth of water with both feet."
←Rate | 07-22-2018 21:56 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taking viagra for my sunburn.... Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
←Rate | 07-22-2018 21:45 by BobbyT Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care if our president lies all the time. As long as he's pushing of the Dems, that's the only thing I care about. I'm happy with that!
←Rate | 07-22-2018 17:34 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Bad decision: Saying come in to a Jehovah Witness at your door.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:59 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:52 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:16 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Seriously guys, I'm a virgin. No woman finds me attractive.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 13:08 by Snowflake Comments (5)  

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