hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   As a kid, I thought convention delegates were just sign-waving idiots in silly hats & pins, but as an adult, I see I was a perceptive kid.

   AXE Bodyspray for Women: Now women can become IRRESISTIBLE to men by wearing fragrances like "Breathing", or "Just Being Alive in General".

   UPS delivery guys don't like it when you go up to their truck and order two tacos to go.

   Drank a Rockstar and now I'm patiently waiting to break furniture in a hotel room.

   The fact that women don't sell ad space (transparent stickers) on their cleavage is baffling to me.

   "It's not a contest." - losers

   Maybe if women would quit playing games they'd worry less about competition.

   I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

   When I was younger, I grew up in a theme park! The theme of the park was trailer.

   My ideal job would be "Guy in infomercial who is legitimately baffled by simple, everyday tasks."

   Worst part about having an iPhone or any other smart phone for that matter is when you get mad you can't slam the phone

   Just got fired from my part time job working from home because "Apparently" when people call for support I shouldn't tell them that I am not wearing pants.

   How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".

   Whenever I see a guy in jean shorts I feel sad that he has nobody in his life to say, "You really shouldn't wear those."

   Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.

   Friends are just people I hate marginally less than everyone else.

   The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.

   A fun way to freak out a friend who's engaged is to suddenly take her fiancé's last name & then tag yourself in all of her Facebook photos.

   I Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing

   Dear coworkers, I am never going to eat anything you cooked and brought in. I've seen the quality of your work here and I value my life.