K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   CSI never ceases to amaze me. They are inside and they look all around with flashlights...flick a light on. Now I'm watching and they are outside in broad daylight using their flashlights looking at a puddle of blood.

   BBC: North Korea's Kim Jong Un threatening nuclear attack against US. CNN: North Korea may be a nuclear threat. Fox News: Obama causing problems with North Korea

   I asked some guy for directions this morning and he said, "Go to the corner and take a right. It's about six miles, depending on how fast you're going".

   Republican convention next week.... Hurricane Isaac is predicted to hit Florida next week.... Even Mother Nature doesn't like Republicans.

   What's up these Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials promoting cannibalism?

   Wow, I'm so high I can see my house from here.

   Seeing a spider is not a problem. It becomes a problem when you can no longer see it.

   If we can't get weed legalized, we can just start calling it smokable beer.

   Just took some cough syrup. I made that scrunchie face and shook my head just like I was a little kid.

   Happy Merry ChristmaHanuKwanziDays

   Has anyone seen my invisible pants?

   When a Mormon knocks on your door to tell you the "good word" you don't answer....why the hell would you want one to lead your country?

   If life hands you lemons, hey.... free lemons.

   I bet it's confusing for gays with walk-in closets. You're in, you're out, you're in, you're out.

   Tried to kill a spider with deodorant. He's still alive, but he smells great.

   I believe the smoke coming out of that Vatican chimney while they decide on a pope is all of them smoking fatties til they can come to an agreement.

   Got these new jeans made by children in a sweat shop. A friend asked, "Ed Hardys?" "No, Fed Hardlys".

   Mark Zuckerburg's Facebook fortune dropped to a new low of 10.2 Billion today....How is he ever going to survive??

   A whole pot of and three Redbulls.....I can pronounce that symbol that Prince had for his name.

   Don't tell anyone, but I just farted...lets keep it our little secret.