Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   I'm not feeling myself today... anyone else wanna try?

   All of my passwords are "incorrect" so my computer always tells me if I forget.

   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   Follow your brain. Your heart's a f*cking idiot.

   The term "swag" was invented in the 60s by a group of gay men as an acronym for "Secretly We Are Gay." No wonder Justin Bieber thinks he has so much of it.

   How does Justin bieber remove a condom after sex??? ... He farts!!!

   Some day I will climb into the back of a taxi in the pouring rain and the driver will say "Where to buddy?" and I will say "Just drive."

   When I sense that some one is talking down to me I like to see just how dumb I can act.

   I want a car that runs on the tears I shed at the gas pump.

   0 mutual friends, you're not even from my country, how the f*ck did you find me!?

   Avoid arguments on facebook with someone who types faster than you...

   It's not a real relationship until you secretly start to hate each other.

   I had a very akwrd moment in the checkout line today. I grazed a lady's boob... It was embarrassing for both of us and the two people between us too.

   If people came with warning labels they wouldn't be too much different than drug labels: May cause drowsiness, persistent headaches, may reduce the urge to live..... If symptoms persist apply the nearest foot to their ass.

   If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.

   I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.

   Note to self: Don't taunt the neighbor's bull dog while wearing flip flops.

   New T.V. show idea... BEER FACTOR. "How many beers do you think it will take to get him/her to eat this bug?"

   I choose to be different because being normal is boring.

   Road rage and profanity: The breakfast of champions.