Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   When you have a good imagination, you can make up all the facts you want.

   The Internet: Where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head

   Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone

   Whenever any of my ex's leave me, I find out a short time later they end up getting married. Which actually makes me feel better. At least now she's miserable too.

   All your depressing status es are cheering me up. Thanks, ...Keep it up.

   I gave blood for the local blood drive today. Someone's blood alcohol level is going UP!

   American Gladiator sports such as the giant hamster rolling ball thing should be introduced at the next olympics.

   I'm the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I'm asleep.

   Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.

   If I ever find out who keeps Photoshoping that Channing Tatum loser's head on my body... I'M SUING!

   I remember when Santa said I was to old to sit on his lap. Well that was last year, this year I am wearing a disguise.

   Inspirational stat us: Today's probably going to suck. Don't be a little b*tch and handle that sh*t.

   Guys that take Yoga classes need their man card taken away and shoved up their ass. Oh, nevermind... they'd probably just bend over and pick it out with their teeth.

   Starting a hammock company for kids called "Kid-Naps" ........and maybe need to rethink some things....... :-(

   I'm not afraid of stupid people. I'm afraid of intelligent people with stupid ideas.

   Talking to your ex about your past relationship with them is like logging back on to MySpace. Once you've logged in, you will instantly realize why you left in the first place.

   Somewhere in the hood somebody mama is using they child's name to keep the house phone on.

   There's no better person to have as your friend than a bartender who doesn't give a f*ck.

   Just took a photo of myself naked. A hundred 'likes' within the next hour, or I'll post it.

   doesn't believe in superstition. It brings bad luck.