Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   On Columbus Day, we celebrate the discovery of places that have already been happily occupied for years.

   "Yes" is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you've consumed.

   I guess firefighters really get pissed when you call and say your house is on fire and when they show up, you just want your pool filled for the season...

   I absolutely HATE when people put song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!

   Tupac died because he lived the thug life. This 12 pack is going to die because I live the chug life.

   I like messing with Texas by calling random numbers in Houston and telling them we've have a problem.

   Nicki Minaj, Justin Bieber and One Direction walk into a bar. There's no punchline because ruining music isn't funny......

   To all the people who failed out of high school, just remember two things: 1) At least you tried your best, and 2) I said NO tomatoes on my burger, b!tch!

   I'm not sure what lesbians like better about sex with a woman instead of a man, but I wish they would describe it to me in great detail.

   All good things come to those you hate. While you sit and wonder why this is true, the one you hate is enjoying their life while you just sit there and wonder why.

   It never fails, when a girl steals my Facebook status she gets a ton more "likes" than I did. :(

   Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me

   Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

   If someone hates you for no reason, give that idiot a reason.

   I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and some I'd love to punch in the face!

   The NFL should change it's name to the little girls league with all these rules. Football is a violent and physical sport, if you get hurt, it's part of the job.

   I went to see my boss today and said, "I think we have a communication problem." He replied, "You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago."

   Sorry for your problems and I'll be there to listen to you, because you're a good person and by good person I mean you put out when you're vulnerable.

   It's Valentine's Day... If you arer married, go and kiss your wife or husband, if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, do the same... and if you are single, kiss the ground and thank GOD!!! =)) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

   I wasn't born to kiss anyone's ass. If you want someone to obey and follow you, you should probably get a dog.