@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   I hate texting people who don't use smileys. I feel like I'm texting an emotionless robot!!!

   teacher: are you sleeping in my class? student: no, uh, a bug flew in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate it. :D

   After Watching a scary movie.:IT'S OKAY I DIDN'T WANT TO SLEEP TONIGHT ANYWAY.

   I'll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!

   Dang, you look better than ever. LOL JK, you've been hittin up McDonalds lately, right?

   Call me lazy… but if it takes four clicks, I'm not reading it!!!!!

   Why do people feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking “I'M GOING TO KILL.. Ah darn he's under a blanket”!!

   TICKLING; Is like being raped but you're forced to laugh... And I totally hate it - _ -

   ''You ask!'' ''No, you ask!'' ''Pls just ask?'' ''why cant you do it?'' ''Fine.. excuse me, can we have some ketchup?''

   "I just saw you on tv" "OH MY GOD what channel?" "Animal planet"

   : No I have not gained weight, Your eyes just got fat

   I say tomato, you say tomato. hahahahaha I know your laughing right now cuz you totally just read this with two pronunciations... lol

   Greatest fear in life…. Someone will find a way to retrieve everything I've ever googled.

   that horrible moment when you actually fall in love

   Awkwardly flushing the toilet when everyone else is sleeping

   Walking around the kitchen, like Pac-Man when you're hungry.

   Gas prices = robbery without a gun!

   getting ready to give her sheets some ass & her pillow some head ...good night everybody

   I want to slowly go down on you and tease you. Then rise up and fxck you hard. Sincerely, Gas Prices

   Can someone please call Carly Rae Jepsen so we can be done with this already?!!