hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   If you're at a party and people start chanting your name, you're obligated to do anything they want you to do

   Today is the kind of day where I shouldn't leave the house unless I have Yoshi and like three extra lives.

   All I'm saying is: If you're already gonna be late for work you might as well walk into the office tangled up in a hammock.

   We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.

   If more people knew what guys did with socks they'd stop giving them to their dad as gifts.

   You never really forgive the friend who tricked you into watching "2 Girls 1 Cup".

   According to my employee handbook I am only required to show up sober. There is nothing saying I can't start drinking once I get here...take that HR lady

   A girl told me today "a lot of guys want me" I told her " that doesn't surprise me, keep in mind honey that cheap things usually attract many customers"

   I was just brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear "you're gonna have to pay for that"...this walmart sucks!

   Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write to people and pray they cash them at the teller just to make things interesting...

   Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in walmart was staring at me.

   A womans anger is like a check engine light..there is no way to figure out why it came on so just ignore it and hope it goes away....

   Not putting metal in your microwave also means not feeling like an awesome sorcerer in your own kitchen.

   They should make a car that can text you when the car ahead of you brakes.....

   My pre-nup will indicate that I'm allowed to unplug her life support system should my phone need charging....

   I have discovered that when you give people advice through the medium of interpretive dance, they quickly regret asking you for it, and go away.

   Just got caught stealing a book, I explained that I'm dyslexic & thought it was the 'help self' section.

   My bank card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.

   No officer, I didn't see you in my rear view; my eyes haven't left my phone for at least the past 5 miles.

   I've found that the things I'm most interested in aren't really in my best interest.