Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I think it's not the morning that's bothering me. It's the awakeness.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I understand that good things come to those who wait. Might I ask just how long the line is?
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm peeved that the bank owns a good chunk of this house but hasn't once taken out the trash. Worst roommate ever.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two wrongs don't make a right, but they have the potential to become a pretty interesting Facebook status update.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 06:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're friending me on Facebook ONLY because you want a nail or you have a lost cow in Farmville, the joke's on you! I play Mafia Wars!
←Rate | 06-10-2010 06:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to write that down in my "Things I don't give a crap about" notebook.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 06:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I probably wouldn't kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way the pets and children do.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 06:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What seperates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 09:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only time I ever nap is after hitting the snooze button. I took 32 naps this morning.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 09:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 15:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's wrong that so many people get their daily news from Jon Stewart. I get mine from Rod Stewart. Breaking news: I think I'm sexy.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not that impressed that hula dancers can tell a story with their hands. I can tell a story with one finger.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It feels SO GOOD to get things accomplished... or at least I imagine it does. Do something and tell me what it's like.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me immature ONE more time, and you'll no longer be invited to help me build a kick-butt couch cushion fort.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Iif time travel were possible, my future self would have shown up to slap some sense into me by now.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just wrote a note to my utilities company: Dear Utilities, Life is full of surprises. This month we won't be paying our bill. SURPRISE!
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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