Mickey Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Canada: Compared to the USA, it's the North American equivalent to the kids' table at a holiday dinner.
←Rate | 01-30-2017 12:35 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gray Matter Matters
←Rate | 11-25-2015 13:46 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have this roomie who must go thru half a roll of toilet paper every time she uses the bathroom. I'm going broke. Some people are so @nal when it comes to wiping their a$$.
←Rate | 01-21-2012 10:17 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm the proud grandfather of a new baby boy. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 13:02 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today's date officially marks the twelfth day of Christmas....So, except for the Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids-a-Milking and the Five Golden Rings...it's all going back to Wal Mart. Especially that squawking, annoying, Partridge in a Pear Tree.
←Rate | 01-06-2013 07:59 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the movies to see "Lincoln". The only thing they had at the snack bar were waffles and Log Cabin Syrup.
←Rate | 12-01-2012 19:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I was country, when country wasn't cool"....newflash...it still isn't.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 08:35 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing to believe in is to not believe in anything.
←Rate | 01-17-2017 23:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ordered 2 pizzas from Dominoes. The order taker was not amused when I asked her for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Total.
←Rate | 07-15-2016 09:59 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Dating" is an anachronistic, nebulous means of defining a relationship. All it means is both parties are duping each other into some degree of permanency. Wait...that's marriage. I meant marriage.
←Rate | 02-03-2017 07:51 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had lunch today with a woman. Okay, so the woman was on a TV show eating at the same time I was. Okay, so the woman was Berta from Two and a Half Men.
←Rate | 04-19-2014 16:31 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many folks have a possession "bronzed". I'm talking about my b@lls. When she said she wanted something in the driveway that went from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds, maybe I shouldn't have put a bathroom scale out there.
←Rate | 02-15-2013 07:23 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pope Benedict is so old, there are only two jobs available to him. 1) Bag boy at the supermarket. 2) Run for President on the Republican ticket.
←Rate | 02-11-2013 10:32 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always do things for the wrong reason. Like, watch the World Series for the organ music interludes.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 20:51 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.
←Rate | 01-26-2017 10:51 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought Super Bowl LI was a Pho Soup special at a Vietnamese restaurant.
←Rate | 02-05-2017 10:58 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Husband bought condoms in various flavors. "Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on, and you guess the flavor." As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in her mouth and says: "Gorgonzola!" "Wait, it's not on yet."
←Rate | 02-17-2012 13:04 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon They should rename Hockey "H0nkey", 'cause it's one of the last major team sports still dominated by Caucasoids. Thank G0D.
←Rate | 01-03-2013 12:11 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a baseball team named the Giants (San Francisco), a football team named the Giants (New York)...yet there's no basketball team named the Giants...when in fact, basketball players ARE GIANTS!
←Rate | 05-21-2013 10:42 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if young people on honeymoons today have as much sex as we did when I was young. For the first week on our cruise, most people thought my wife and I were Siamese twins.
←Rate | 01-16-2012 07:48 by Mickey Comments (0)  

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