Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 10:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to the movie theater snack bar! We have some crunchy popcorn, noisey cups of ice, crinkly candy bags, maracas, bubble wrap, and a f*cking parrot! Now silence your cell phones.
←Rate | 06-07-2011 12:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 10:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them.
←Rate | 10-20-2010 10:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 15:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same mistakes.
←Rate | 11-14-2011 18:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said Diamond are a girls best friend........Obviously never bought one a detachable showerhead.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P
←Rate | 05-23-2010 21:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon And on the day that Pooh found out bacon tasted better than honey, we all knew Piglet's days were numbered.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 01:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ya know those signs you see in towns that say, "Drive careful, we love our children?" Well DUH, you're not gonna see a sign that says, "GUN IT, WE'LL MAKE MORE!"
←Rate | 08-16-2011 18:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The show "Toddlers and tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 12:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait 'til I'm rich enough to throw things away that accidentally fall in the toilet.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever mess anything up I am just gonna say, "It's not like I sung the national anthem wrong in front of the whole world or something."
←Rate | 02-07-2011 16:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if people were as nice to each other in real life as they were in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 09:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 15:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After a night of heavy drinkin' there's one thing I can't stand... and that's up.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, "Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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