Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   So, I'm at the crossroads & Bone Thugs N Harmony is clearly not here... What a waste of time, and gas.

   You've really got to hand it to short people. Because they often can't reach it.

   According to google maps there is no such place as Cougar Town, this show is so full of $hit.

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

   Well now I'm screwed... everyone always tells me once you go black you never go back, but I left my keys in her apartment.

   My mom always said to make sure I had clean underwear in case I was in a car accident and that's why I keep that thong in the glove box, honey.

   The benefit of always going in to work late is that when you're on time, people think you're early.

   A good relationship is not without struggle – it's knowing how to struggle.

   Any bathroom without toilet paper is a panic room.

   The only people who get offended are hypocrites. And I'm happy to make them uncomfortable...

   I hate waiting for someone to illegally upload so I can illegally download.

   It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!

   Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way," I usually do.

   If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow, I am just going to shut down...

   If you have to ask why I don't like you, you just answered your own question.

   I've realized the older women get, the more likely they are to have a tissue or a bandaid when I needs one.

   Reports say that credit ratings are soon to be abolished for private individuals. All you need these days is a valid receipt from a your local gas station!

   Hey, I found your nose, it was in my business again!

   I've said this before but, It's funny how you think you know someone so well, then you bang his wife and then his true colors start to show.

   Life is about kicking ass, not kissing it.