@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages

   "Archaeologists Discover First-Ever Gay Caveman." I'm calling it now: "Glee-anderthal: The Musical." That one's free, Hollywood.

   can't believe Mark Zuckerberg has a stalker. It's not like he puts all of his information out there or anything.

   Really listened to "Freebird" last night. The guy is a bird you can't change. He's an unchangeable bird. And there's a guitar solo. Classic.

   has been considering a lobotomy... it seems like a no-brainer.

   I call the toilet at work Mrs. Star Trek... because I just Shatner.

   don't pee on me and tell me it's raining... pee on me and tell me you love me.

   I know this sounds crazy but I totally see Jesus's face in this painting of Jesus.

   wondering... does anyone really believe that Barack Obama doesn't understand exactly what the Muslim Brotherhood is?

   If you see only one hilarious movie about wacky bridesmaids this week... make it “Thor.”

   remembers the last thing a wise man said to me was "Help! I'm drowning!" I never knew what he meant by that tho... he was so wise.

   I wonder if we're "homed people" to them...

   If you guys don't start telling me when my status updates don't make sense... I'm gonna start matriculating bananas to the chimney of the coral reef.

   If Coldplay and Mumford & Sons got in a fight... Miley Cyrus would win.

   I need to move some money around. By that, I mean...I'm going to take the change from my console and convert it to bills, so I'll have money in my pocket!