Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.
←Rate | 09-21-2014 13:37 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always confuse dessert and desert and I think I might've just buried a hooker in a lemon meringue pie.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *suddenly pulls away from kissing* "But really, how DO they signal for Batman during the day!?"
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE NOW JOHN'S GIRLFRIEND"
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when she ask if you notice anything about her and you just can't find anything different about her, so you fake a seizure.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 12:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 02:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
←Rate | 09-17-2014 14:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading
←Rate | 09-17-2014 13:36 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:54 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I kept it gangsta...but, it was like 19% gangsta.
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
←Rate | 09-05-2014 13:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Samsung won't stop until they create a TV so curved it watches itself.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 09:15 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just seen a picture of Rihanna fully dressed. Man these hackers don't sleep.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 09:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon january 2014: "this will be my year" august 2014: "I swear 2015 will be my year"
←Rate | 08-23-2014 12:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Excuse me, are you using this mirror?" - Me, at the gym
←Rate | 08-18-2014 14:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No Grandma, EBOLA is not a new perfume from Kim Kardashian
←Rate | 08-13-2014 02:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hell, you have to pick just one person to have sex with for the rest of your life. Wait...
←Rate | 08-08-2014 01:58 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my facebook account in three days. But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave
←Rate | 08-08-2014 01:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lightbulb moment for the male species: Choose a woman with a brain... they all have vaginas.
←Rate | 08-07-2014 13:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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