Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm not a stalker, I'm just a self-appointed and unpaid private investigator.
←Rate | 12-04-2014 05:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A chatterbox is just a regular box that won't shut the fcuk up.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 12:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 00:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Doctor says I'm morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 23:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 01:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks speed dating. I'll settle for being awkward one date at a time.
←Rate | 12-01-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am bored .Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on .
←Rate | 12-01-2014 01:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretty bad when your dog farts so loud he has the nerve to turn to see where the noise came from.
←Rate | 11-28-2014 08:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a Black Friday sale at my house, pants are 100% off
←Rate | 11-28-2014 01:54 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The way this woman squealed when getting proposed to is the exact same reaction I had when I found out the restaurant serves 3lb. lobster.
←Rate | 11-27-2014 12:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.
←Rate | 11-24-2014 09:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"
←Rate | 11-19-2014 12:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
←Rate | 11-15-2014 00:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a beard while wearing a suit says "I am a professional who might go through your trash later."
←Rate | 11-14-2014 23:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it requires pants, its not happening today.
←Rate | 11-14-2014 23:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being human is expensive and exhausting.
←Rate | 11-04-2014 11:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
←Rate | 11-03-2014 08:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 06:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just looking for a reason not to drink
←Rate | 10-30-2014 15:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can Walmart be a feeling? I'm pretty sure that's how I'm feeling today.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 12:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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