K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Freudian slip; Where you say one thing, but mean your mother.

   She's not the sharpest marble in the crayon shed.

   I wonder what happened and at what point a youngster decides, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a proctologist".

   Ever think "Serial Killers Coming" when you're getting into your car and you drop your car keys?

   Does anyone else have that brief thought of "Serial Killer" or "Monster" when they are getting in their car and drop the car keys?

   I'm going to start rubbing Q-Tips on my head.....They have done wonders for growing hair in my ears.

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!

   I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn't.

   I'm pretty sure that lady from the Target ads is capable of killing anyone in her way.

   My dog was licking his nuts. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".

   The fun thing about Facebook is......none you know if I'm naked or not.

   I feel like I woke up an hour too early this morning

   I hate daylight savings. Twice a year I have to set my alarm and get up at two in the morning to set my clock.....Damn.

   Time to go out and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   If I ever get as excited about the McRib as the people in the commercials do....SLAP ME!

   You cannot have a Zen garden with the little rake and sand if you also have a cat. Trust me.

   Facebook...this generations Rubiks Cube.

   Let's be sensitive this Halloween and not be rude. They are no longer "Ghosts", they are Apparition Americans.

   Damn, three raptures and I'm still here....I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me.