Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Fact: “Intercourse” sounds more like it’s about vehicular traffic than sex.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 08:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guy about to invent the everything bagel: *removes couch cushions to vacuum*
←Rate | 07-20-2020 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I’m sayin is that you’re not gonna want my kid doing your taxes after being homeschooled by me.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They don't seem to be tearing down MLK statues.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right about now.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They said wearing a mask keeps you from touching your face… I need one for my d*ck.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 03:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe Biden looks like he smells like pee.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 20:48 by KipD Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not saying I have the biggest nose in the world but my mask is a D cup
←Rate | 07-19-2020 12:53 by KevinT Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, things are not getting worse. They are just getting more obvious.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 11:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ur mom gay
←Rate | 07-19-2020 09:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The difference between Andrew Cuomo and Osama Bin Laden is Cuomo kiIIed more New Yorkers.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 08:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For some reason, I always thought Elijah Cummings and John Lewis were the same guy. ☻
←Rate | 07-18-2020 18:07 by KelvinKowart Comments (0)  

   messageicon They need to change all of the street signs on my street. It seems that stop, yield and speed limits have no effect. They should change them to “safe Drivers save 40%
←Rate | 07-18-2020 16:51 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wattassp status
←Rate | 07-18-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2 + 2 = 46,783 -the CDC counting covid19 cases
←Rate | 07-18-2020 08:56 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Here's a freebie Earthlings: treat Covid-19 as you would canine parvovirus.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 22:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is that whenever the doorbell rings my dogs always think it is for them?
←Rate | 07-17-2020 21:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Calm down! Walmart is just asking you to wear a mask and you can still wear your pajamas and leave your bras and teeth at home.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 21:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So Wal-mart is making all customers wear masks now. Next thing you know, we'll have to wear pants too!
←Rate | 07-17-2020 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I imagine a two year old having a temper tantrum as being the next statue erected honoring all those brave men and women who refuse to wear a mask.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 12:01 Comments (0)  

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