Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 10 of 5811

   messageicon May your hypocrisy keep you warm tonight.
←Rate | 09-05-2018 13:23 Comments (5)  

   messageicon genie: so what's your 3rd wish me: I wish you had amnesia genie: so what's your 1st wish
←Rate | 09-05-2018 13:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boss wants to send me for training in Time Management. Yeah. Like I'm supposed to fit that into my already overloaded schedule.
←Rate | 09-05-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have a kid named Cody your chances of owning a 4-wheeler increase by 150%.
←Rate | 09-05-2018 02:44 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I didn't go to the gym today,....but the cashier's name at Macdonald's was Jim...sooo same thing.
←Rate | 09-04-2018 13:55 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Social media will make you think certain people are way out of your league, only to find out that they also think you are way out of their league.
←Rate | 09-04-2018 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know a woman is a keeper if she picks the iron when she's playing Monopoly.
←Rate | 09-04-2018 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
←Rate | 09-04-2018 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Losing an argument with your woman? Just tell her "My mom was right about you" to get the upper hand.
←Rate | 09-04-2018 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Keep the earth clean! It isn't Uranus!
←Rate | 09-04-2018 03:10 by Stevielea Comments (1)  

   messageicon After Monday and Tuesday, even the caledar says WTF.
←Rate | 09-04-2018 00:43 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone remember when it was normal for kids to go outside & be gone all day, but parents wouldn’t know where you were, just that you better be home when it is dark?
←Rate | 09-03-2018 16:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you missed the 3 seasons of McCain's funeral you can now watch it on Netflix.
←Rate | 09-03-2018 10:39 by Rick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate spelling errors. . You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
←Rate | 09-03-2018 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going ghost hunting. If you don't hear from me again... Try contacting me through EVP.
←Rate | 09-02-2018 22:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ain't it funny how the night moves When you just don't seem to have as much to lose Strange how the night moves With autumn closing in....
←Rate | 09-02-2018 20:35 Comments (2)  

   messageicon It's September...if you're Birthday is this month your parents started the new year with a bang...
←Rate | 09-02-2018 10:01 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You know she is single AF when all she posts is selfies.
←Rate | 09-01-2018 08:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can learn a lot about a person by collecting hair from their hairbrush and giving it to a voodoo priestess
←Rate | 09-01-2018 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm an artistic representation of beautiful intentions and horrible decisions.
←Rate | 09-01-2018 06:52 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left