Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 10 of 6039

   messageicon I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor
←Rate | 05-10-2020 09:52 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why put dry powdered sugar on French Toast when the good Lord created Log Cabin syrup?
←Rate | 05-10-2020 09:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Purell better be working on a combination sanitizer, and murder hornet repellent.
←Rate | 05-09-2020 16:49 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon My biggest fear is getting a murder hornet stuck in my facemask as I shovel snow Saturday morning in May.
←Rate | 05-09-2020 06:00 by Ron Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb...
←Rate | 05-09-2020 03:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just heard that facebook is letting all their employees work from home which makes me wonder. Hey facebook you hiring?
←Rate | 05-08-2020 17:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The pubs in Ireland are closed until Aug 10. Pubs in Ireland. So by all means lets open Cracker Barrel right now.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro tip: If you have a cat and money is tight, bird seed is cheaper than cat food.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 11:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to cancel my 6 week trial of socialism please...
←Rate | 05-08-2020 11:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good morning. Okay so money can't buy happiness, but it CAN buy bacon. Close enough.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 10:38 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if the offers I had as a kid, "slap you into next year" still stands.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 09:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I randomly changed all the contact names in my phone. However, I can't remember who they actually are. So far today, I've been texted by Willy Wonka, Spongebob Squarepants, Charlie Sheen, Nancy Pelosi and Jerry Springer.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 09:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK, I can understand why you're mad at me, but the horse I rode in on had nothing to do with it.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 00:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It really freaks people out when I use my invisible hula hoop.
←Rate | 05-07-2020 20:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not sure I'm excited about ordering a drink at a bar once they open again. The drinks are going to be awfully weak compared to what I've been pouring!!
←Rate | 05-07-2020 19:49 by ElYobo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bill Gates is telling everyone what to do about the virus but he can't even stop windows from getting a virus...
←Rate | 05-07-2020 13:24 by MrSharp Comments (0)  

   messageicon The lady in front of me at Wal-mart has six kids and is buying a baby gate. I want to tell her a chastity belt might be a better use of the money.
←Rate | 05-07-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everytime I decline a friends request from Jerry Garcia I always wonder what if?
←Rate | 05-07-2020 01:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. The pain is only felt by others. The same thing happens when you’re stupid
←Rate | 05-06-2020 22:47 by Hirit Comments (1)  

   messageicon Had I known back in March it would be the last time I'd be in a restaurant, I would have ordered dessert.
←Rate | 05-06-2020 18:57 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left