Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't believe your eyes or military satellite photos. Just blindly believe what a guy tells you. If you do, then please contact me so I can sell you shares in my unicorn ranch.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And remember's on Facebook so it must be true!
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think some of my friends are completely irrational and make bad decisions, and we should hang out more.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:35 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm working hard to become free... I'm over half way through my Halloween candy already.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 12:24 by Frank Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my wife is angry with me, she'll not only stops talking to me, she'll also send me blank tex messages.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 01:22 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Fun fact Smokey the bear's original name was Hotfoot Teddy.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 23:00 by Fun.Fact Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a world where you can do anything, do it over there.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you use the self-service checkout lanes at Wal-mart, you should get a discount like you do when you buy self-service gasoline.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some recipes are like science fiction. I read to the end and think "Well, that's not going to happen."
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If one despises losers, and one is a loser. Does that loser despise them self ?
←Rate | 11-12-2018 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aggravation: Trying to get a vending machine to take a wrinkled dollar bill.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 22:24 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
←Rate | 11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 04:08 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

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