andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon “It’s a frapp!” - Admiral Ackbar, Starbucks barista.
←Rate | 04-18-2014 09:02 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have had it with Jimmy Crackcorn and his blatant apathy!
←Rate | 04-18-2014 09:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had hoped my facebook page wouldn't lead to stalkers, but some girl named Sallie Mae found my number and has been calling me for months.
←Rate | 04-19-2014 08:58 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
←Rate | 04-21-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I came in like a wrecking ball. Then I realized I had the wrong house. My bad.
←Rate | 04-21-2014 12:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, "Not much u"
←Rate | 04-22-2014 05:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
←Rate | 04-22-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
←Rate | 04-23-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
←Rate | 04-25-2014 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You can’t teach a cat anything, ever.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 06:04 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is “limo window partition” between the front and back seat not an option yet?
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has got to be one of my top 5 favorite songs about identity theft
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon People complaining in the express line about the lady writing a check will be uber ticked when I try to barter a sheep for this 6-pack of Pepsi
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:55 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the more my feet hurt. I guess it's true... time wounds all heels.
←Rate | 05-01-2014 06:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
←Rate | 05-01-2014 06:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a time machine rest assured I would do what's right: I would make sure the video for Buffalo Stance by Nenah Cherry never happened.
←Rate | 05-01-2014 07:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I'm 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 08:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that movie "Unbreakable" where Bruce Will cannot find the limits of his own strength? I'm like that but with ice cream consumption.
←Rate | 05-06-2014 16:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide.
←Rate | 05-14-2014 05:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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