Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When you begin a sentence with “Don't tell anybody, but...”, the person you're talking to has already thought about who to tell.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas, if she doesn't kiss you by the 4th date she's only in it for the free food.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My face hurts from making that look of concern as I pretend to listen.
←Rate | 06-06-2011 12:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even if oil prices go down, I'm still going to siphon gas from my neighbor's car because I like the adrenaline rush and he's an asshole.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 00:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is ridiculous - I have so much work to do this morning that I can barely get on Facebook. My boss is so rude.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 23:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attractive female traffic cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies BEFORE they tase me.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photobooth!
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wall clock at work seems to be stuck on half past f*ck this sh*t o' clock.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk about a double standard, my 6 month old niece sneezes in someone's face and it's all "aww....how cute." I do it and suddenly it's all "what the hell is wrong with you."
←Rate | 09-09-2012 17:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 13:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
←Rate | 04-07-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, “Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon What's the name of that Eminem song where he's all mad and sh!t?
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 10:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 10:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to the movie theater snack bar! We have some crunchy popcorn, noisey cups of ice, crinkly candy bags, maracas, bubble wrap, and a f*cking parrot! Now silence your cell phones.
←Rate | 06-07-2011 12:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, "Don't tell me what to do."
←Rate | 09-26-2010 15:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them.
←Rate | 10-20-2010 10:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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