Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
←Rate | 04-07-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the name of that Eminem song where he's all mad and sh!t?
←Rate | 03-27-2012 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, “Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 10:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 10:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do I have to bother pushing "one" for English? I'm still going to get someone who can't speak it.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 21:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to the movie theater snack bar! We have some crunchy popcorn, noisey cups of ice, crinkly candy bags, maracas, bubble wrap, and a f*cking parrot! Now silence your cell phones.
←Rate | 06-07-2011 12:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, "Don't tell me what to do."
←Rate | 09-26-2010 15:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them.
←Rate | 10-20-2010 10:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was alone in the house last night, lying in bed, and all of a sudden I heard someone fart. I didn't know whether to laugh or be scared as hell.
←Rate | 06-30-2011 13:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 15:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw these ducks in the park today looking at their reflection in the water practicing their teenage slut face.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
←Rate | 02-16-2013 12:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon And on the day that Pooh found out bacon tasted better than honey, we all knew Piglet's days were numbered.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 01:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P
←Rate | 05-23-2010 21:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said Diamond are a girls best friend........Obviously never bought one a detachable showerhead.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 22:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 23:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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