the FRED Funny Status Messages

   I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.

   Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

   I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that, cuz I'm modest.

   I'm doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!

   thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money.

   **Warning** It turns out Farmville is a virus that will eat your life away. Side effects are all your friends hate you because of your tacky updates & you're getting fatter from sitting online all day playing. Delete it ASAP and stop being a Tool.

   I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

   It's whiter outside than a Pat Boone concert!

   Baldly going where no man has gone before…

   For the Mean girl who cut me off, gave me the finger & rolled down your window just to call me A-hole. Next time you should think before you act. You were pulling into your Driveway. Now you have Egg on your face & your car & your house. =)

   I like fat girls, they need lovin' too. Unfortunately most Guys won't repost this.

   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   Dear Mr. City Plow Guy, I'd like to actually go to work in the morning so for a change can you maybe not make another Giant Ice mound at the end of my Driveway? For an added bonus could you use some salt on my road instead of just flatting out the snow.

   Duct tape - $3.79, Shovel - $29.99, 50 lb. bag of lime - $14.99, Life without you - PRICELESS.

   If anyone needs me I'll be setting up a sniper pearch in Punxsutawney, Pa. This year that fat little groundhog will not make it back to the hole.

   The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

   Joe Paterno's doctors also said they wish they could have done more.

   Look down ur shirt and spell ATTIC.

   I used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!