bryan j brown Funny Status Messages

   Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??

   You know in the future its gonna be pretty common too say, "So grandma how many tattoos do you have?"

   You can learn a lot about a woman from the top dresser drawer beside her bed....

   Attention All Mom: if you have a son from the ages of (6 to 12).. Just randomly ask him..."If 30 ninjas broke in here right now what would you do??" Trust me it will make his day...

   So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...

   Am I the only one that believes people without kids should get a "No-Child Tax Credit"... I mean I'm over here not overpopulating the world.. Think I deserve a lil something back for that... Yall Welcome!

   I miss the metal slides that would give you 3rd degree burns on a hot summers day...Goodtimes!!

   You had me at Rice Krispies Treats

   Not sure why my bill collector keep trippin and askin for their money...I mean as long as I owe yall money you will alwayz have a job...Hell you should be callin to thank me cuz I'm your job security....

   I wonder if Titanic would have been as romantic if Jack would have said, "Hey Rose how bout we let me get on the headboard for just a couple of minutes"....

   Ladies just cuz he locks his phone when he leaves the room doesn't mean hes cheatin...Now if he locks his phone...then takes the battery out...then moves the bookshelf which leads to an vault that he puts his phone in...Then ok maybe hes cheating

   My landlord just called and said my neighbors just complained about all the loud freaky sex they are hearing from my house... So now I'm on my way to buy some headphones for my laptop...

   Men lie about how many women they have been with because they CAN'T remember the exact number...Women lie about how many men they have been with because they CAN remember the exact number....

   Back in my day Werewolves didn't fall in love with babies...THEY ATE THEM!!

   How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel??

   Yo Italian Cruise Ship... I'mma let you finish but Titanic had the best sinking of all time!!!

   these kids today are lucky they have the soft plastic jungle-gyms with straw padding the ground..Instead of those broken down wooden death traps we had too play on as kids with that soft cement to break your fall...

   I think its unfair that men and women are not treated equally...It just seems wrong that women can show a lil boobie and get out of a speeding ticket but when I show a lil ball I get arrested...It just aint right

   Hold up.. Spanking your kid can get you arrested??? If thats the case my mom should be on Death Row.. . ‪

   Nothing turns a close knit family into a bunch of cage fighters like the question of "Who wants to lick the spoon of cake batter?"...