Timber Funny Status Messages

   NEW SECRET SERVICE CODE OF ETHICS: 1.) When arguing with a hooker in the hotel hallway, Use your "Inside" voice. 2.) You're only allowed to jump on a prostitute if you hear her ticking. 3.) Proudly display the U.S. Flag, But NOT the pole.

   This Alzheimer's Easter Egg Hunt is taking forever...

   Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.

   The male version of "Fifty Shades of Grey" arrives this Tuesday at Midnight. They are calling it "Halo 4" !!! Countless crowds are standing in line anywhere games are sold.

   "The Hangover Part 3" starring Prince Harry is now playing out in real life. Also you can now say every Ruler ISN'T 12 Inches LONG.

   I just saw the Easter Bunny buying Easter Grass and Rolling Papers at the corner store.

   ROTFLSHIDMEN = Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard I Dropped My Egg Nog.

   Madonna flashed her rear end during NYC concerts, Urgeing fans to toss money on stage for "Hurricane Sandy Relief", she raised $38,000 and an additional $45,000 in pledges to the "Keep Madonna Clothed Foundation".

   "Get off my Beach" First words spoken to Christopher Columbus by the Original Native American's

   Today's Subway Special: The Triumph Carnival Cruise sandwich, This sandwich is served on 4 day-old Ammonia bread, with a scraps of room temperature tuna and onion, room temperature Mayonnaise, pieces of cucumber, and cheese.

   The Twinkee may be reborn, Mexican company El Grupo Bimbo may be the new owner and manufacturer. Will this mean the vanilla cream filling will be replaced with Guacamole or Salsa ?

   USED CAR FOR SALE CHEAP !!! Drives great, Low Mileage, Car trunk smells like chloroform and dead animals. Contact: Casey Marie Anthony, Inmate #08049710, at Orange County Jail, P.O. Box 4970, Orlando, FL 32802-4970, or call (407) 836-3400

   FUNNY T-SHIRT IDEA: "I survived another Harold Camping rapture prediction".

   North Korea has made good on their threat to send a Nuclear Warhead to the Capitol of the United States !!!!! It was sent via UPS Next Day Air and should arrive by Saturday morning.

   Since they are doing 2011 in review on various TV News/Info programs... They showed pictures of Rihanna with Red Hair and a pony-tail. I thought, "Wow, Wendy's Logo just got a New Look"

   Just saw on the TV news that the ADHD prescription drug "Adderall" is gotten hard for Pharmacies to keep in stock due to demand and... What was I saying? I lost track, Umm, something about something.

   Hear those Screams ??? That's not over Halloween scares. Its Star Wars fans freaking out. Walt Disney bought LucasFilms for $4 Billion dollars. Episode 7 will be released in 2015. I'm wondering how Sheldon Cooper and the rest of the gang on "Big Bang Theo

   I think it is hilarious that the Wall St. protestors hate big corporations, carring signs made with posterboard and markers they bought at WALMART, while wearing their GAP jeans, taking pictures with their MOTOROLA or AT&T camera phones, and drinking from

   Top Reasons I Procastinate... 1.)

   The Hot New Toy this Christmas season will be "Outsource Me Elmo" Which is simply an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.