Mickey Funny Status Messages

   Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.

   Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.

   Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

   If I've learned anything from social media, it's that we live on a planet that's disproportionately filled with inhabitants in possession of single digit IQ's.

   I just heard that the Japanese are going to clone a Woolly Mammoth discovered in Russia. Really Japan, really? Did you not learn anything from that time with Godzilla?

   Me and my recliner...we go way back.

   I'm in a book store and a liberal clerk helped me. I asked for the new Trump book on his immigration policy. She said, "F-you! Get out and stay out! I go, "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"

   I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "Yep, that's the one", I said.

   I wish folks would stop these Passive Aggressive attempts at trying to guilt us into advancing their religious, social, or political causes by ending the posts with, "Let's see how many of my true friends will post this." PI$$ OFF!

   SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock.

   February 15th. The Black Friday for Chocoholics.

   No, I haven't been sick. I haven't been busy. I haven't been away on vacation. The reason I haven't returned your calls is because I can't stand you.

   The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

   White Castle is down to their last pound of ground beef. That ought to be good for another million burgers.

   Remember the protests back in 2011 when Obama stopped the Iraqi refugees from entering the States for six months? Neither do I.

   Murphy's Law 2013: The McDonald's is always on the opposite side of the street from the direction in which you're travelling.

   I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day.

   What's the difference between a Rottweiler and an insane ex? Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go."

   Being single at this time is not based on my wanting freedom to do what I want....It's more due to the fact that I want the freedom to not have to do what someone else wants.

   Throughout the 90's, during its infancy, the internet was referred to as the Information Superhighway. Little did we realize, that in such a short amount of time, it would unfortunately become the Misinformation Stupidhighway.