GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.

   So I got an special announcement to share with you all. I am running for president!!! Like we can't screw up this country enough. #gary2024

   Oh, you want a free college education? Please tell me how serious you took your free high school education.

   Marriage tip: The first thing you need to ask your wife to do after an eleven-hour work day is give you a serious back rub. Explain to her that playing Xbox all day long really takes a toll on your muscles!

   Marriage tip #7: The first thing you ask your wife when she comes to the door from work is what she going to make for dinner? She will appreciate it because you are putting your family's needs first above your own.

   Soooo, I went to Home Depot to pick up a power washer and BBQ grill. With everyone wearing face masks 😷I brought home the wrong wife. After shes done with the deck I'm taking her back! 🤣 🤣 🤣

   So I think I came up with a new kind of coffee. I call it the mayo latte. A regular latte with a touch of mayonnaise in it.

   Marriage tip #4: Whenever you do something good for your wife, make sure to let her know. For example: "Hey honey, I put all the laundry by the laundry machine. That way you can wash the clothes after you get done with dinner."

   I married my wife for her good looks but not the ones she's been giving me lately.

   Marriage tip #12: Remember to always leave a healthy amount of cups and trash laying around your house. That way your wife always has something to clean up. A busy wife is a happy wife.

   Marriage tip #6: When your wife is laying down on the couch, ask her if she plans on doing anything today. This will subconsciously remind her that she has chores to do that need done, and she needs to get up and start doing her chores.

   I'm currently in the process of getting my groove back. Please standby!

   Move heathen! Get out of my way! Move heathen! Get out of my way! - me driving down the highway in the morning

   Marriage tip #5: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex-girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a really good catch!

   Christmas is truly a magical time. It's made all my money disappear!

   I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!

   I'm almost a millionaire. I have all the zeros, now I just need a one.

   Marriage tip: If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.

   My wife just told me to not let her buy anything at the mall, which is kind of like when a werewolf asks you to chain them to a tree on the night of a full moon.

   Here is some good free advice. When you see someone gorgeous, this is what I do. I just stare until I get tired, then I put the mirror down and go do something else.