@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.

   i hate when girls on tinder say "not looking for hook ups just friendships!" yeah and I'm on pornhub to see if the plumber is gonna fix the sink

   Deleting my Facebook soon" = "Please give me attention and ask me why I'm deleting my Facebook account and beg for me to stay so I can feel important"

   Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy

   I guarantee there's a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks 'Ebola' would be a lovely name for their child.

   I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now i'm going to a different cafe.

   People getting out of prison will probably be on Myspace now saying "Where's everybody at?"

   A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you're 18, you're just an idiot with a baby.

   Why do all you women brag about multi-tasking. You need to chill out. There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong at once

   I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment

   People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow

   My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don't know yet though she's still in bed

   The Like button. Also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything

   4 years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times

   I hate when I tell someone I'm bored, and they suggest getting together. Then I have to explain that I'm not quite that bored.

   A honeymoon is a vacation a man takes before starting work under a new boss

   Ladies, the whole "Prince charming" thing doesn't exist. Settle for the guy who knows the difference between "You're" & "Your"

   I was in a taxi on my way to work this morning when the driver said "I love my job. I'm my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That's really great, now take a left here."

   If your girlfriend has a friend that annoys you, don't tell her to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how pretty she is.

   The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money