Susan Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It's recycling day in my neighborhood tomorrow or as I like to call it - haul the wine bottles to the curb night!
←Rate | 11-14-2013 23:26 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a bad temper which means lots of make up sex and "I'm sorry" blow jobs. Who wants to date me?
←Rate | 10-28-2013 12:44 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman raises her voice during an argument she's really saying, "STOP THROWING LOGIC AT ME WHEN I'm TRYING TO BE IRRATIONAL!"
←Rate | 09-20-2013 14:11 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you die and wake up in hell, at least you know you did earth right!
←Rate | 05-21-2013 13:31 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need a man. But I want one. That means those of you with no jobs, no cars and no money still stand a chance.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 02:09 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not our fault you have a small d ick so don't take it out on us. Really, don't take it out.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 02:00 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to start smoking again until I find someone better to do with my mouth.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 01:55 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thought of you makes me clench my thighs......hard.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 01:38 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.
←Rate | 11-07-2012 13:58 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers.
←Rate | 11-07-2012 13:18 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love being a woman. I can slap anyone on the ass and get away with it.
←Rate | 11-03-2012 12:04 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything this man said to me was a lie. Every.. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 15:43 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hoping my see through white shirt will distract everyone from the fact I'm not wearing make-up today
←Rate | 10-30-2012 15:28 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently washing machine riding should be done in the privacy of your own home. Oops!
←Rate | 10-30-2012 15:27 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd take you on a magic carpet ride, except that I shaved the carpet.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 13:08 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm too pretty not to be having sex right now.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 13:06 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason your pants tighten.
←Rate | 10-28-2012 15:03 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ladder to success sure does have a lot of p enises on it.
←Rate | 10-28-2012 02:15 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:37 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shut the hell up and do me. - How arguments should end.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:00 by Susan Comments (0)  


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