GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages
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I'm gonna bake Valentine's Day cupcakes for a special someone today. That special someone is me.

To all my friends who are committed: Happy Valentine's Day! And to all my friends who are single: Happy Independence Day!

When you push a pull door and someone says, "You have to pull". Like yeah, my next plan was to start lifting it from the bottom.

Don't rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could counterfeit money, I wouldn't be at Dollar Tree.

I'm really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. I'm really glad you can see 92 miles ahead, but the rest of us are blind now.

Step 1: Go to a drive through. Step 2: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me"? Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.

Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex-girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a really good catch!

God made the earth then rested. God made man then rested. God made woman and since then neither God nor man have rested again.

Marriage tip: Whenever you do something good for your wife, make sure to let her know. For example: "Hey honey, I put all the laundry by the laundry machine. That way you can wash the clothes after you get done with dinner."
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