Downey Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm not sure who told bald guys they were required to have goatees, but they all fell for it.
←Rate | 12-27-2012 00:22 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer...
←Rate | 12-27-2012 00:20 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can we start a rumor that all Ed Hardy & Tapout shirts are bullet proof?
←Rate | 11-15-2012 00:25 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon wanna come back to my place & watch some p0rn on my 60" flat screen mirror?
←Rate | 06-29-2012 17:06 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon the fact that I can order Domino's in my underwear without leaving my bed has proven how far technology has really came.... and how fuc%in' lazy I have also became.
←Rate | 05-17-2012 18:16 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon If David Hasselhoff doesn't describe his workouts as "sweating his asseloff," well then screw him!
←Rate | 04-28-2012 10:24 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing my ex & I had in common was that neither one of us would suck a d!ck.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 09:13 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a text from my girlfriend, 'thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative.' I wonder what 'ternative' means?
←Rate | 04-19-2012 16:22 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like when a woman tries to shove 210 pounds in a 135 pound dress because I used to bag groceries and admire that level of conviction.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:15 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great... Now I wake up early just so I don't have to hear that $hit.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:14 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not going to lie to you. There's a good chance that at some point, I will probably try to do you. That's just how I roll.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:07 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon being that they're all middle aged men now with kids of their own, I think now's a good time to change their name to Minivan-Halen.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:03 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex girlfriend felt the same way about anal, as she did about eating at McDonald's... If she was drunk enough, she would do it.
←Rate | 09-01-2011 19:20 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Football season is a lot like my se(x) life....except for I actually care when football season is coming.
←Rate | 09-01-2011 19:17 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can let the fact that she owns a cat slide....as long as it's never been used as her profile pic.
←Rate | 09-01-2011 19:13 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my house, relationships go sour before a gallon of milk does...
←Rate | 09-01-2011 19:10 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.
←Rate | 08-07-2011 23:09 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon next time you go through the drive-thru at McD, order a burger and say "can you please hold the pickle" in a sexy voice... trust me, it's worth it!
←Rate | 07-29-2011 22:14 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon my phone automatically wants to check me into every bar we pass? I guess this think really is a smartphone
←Rate | 07-18-2011 13:27 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the store and got me some Oreo's. As I was walking back to my car I saw a friend who told me that it was his birthday today...so for the 1st time ever, without being sarcastic, I was able to say "What...Do you want a cookie or something?"
←Rate | 06-20-2011 21:19 by Downey Comments (0)  


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