life Funny Status Messages

   How come when I was a kid and lost a tooth it was all “Look at you, big guy!,” but now it’s just “Bro, you really gotta reconsider your life choices.”

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.

   Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.

   Tried being normal once, it was the most boring ten minutes of my life.

   The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.

   May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.

   Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.

   Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.

   All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

   If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.

   The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

   You learn nothing from life if you think that you’re right all the time.

   When we were young, we were given the impression that strangers would offer us drugs much more often than has happened in real life.

   Transitions Adaptive Lenses: “Experience life well lit.” Me: Oh, I will.

   Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a fight, a test.

   In 2018, 33 researchers published their theory that octopuses didn’t originate on earth and are actually alien life forms.

   You can’t stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.

   Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

   Life is too short to die a coward.

   Him: you are my drug. Her: aww… you can’t live without me? Him: No, you’re expensive and you ruin my life.