Jake Funny Status Messages

   It's not the fall off a tall building that kills you. It's the sudden stop.

   Most all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as the head of household.

   They say it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. After years of marriage, I find it's bad luck after the wedding as well.

   My wife used to be a size eight. Now she's a figure 8.

   Saw a new woman's talk show called "The Woman's Talk hour." It's on weekdays from 1pm to 3:30pm.

   What is it that you have that other people use more often than you do?....... Your name :)

   Back in the day google was the encylopedia.

   Rule #1 in marriage. If she not happy you won't be happy.

   Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?

   Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?

   You know that your wife's cooking is bad when dessert is Tum's chewables.

   I find you're total lack of ambition is inspiring.

   A man injured his hand at work. The doctor said sorry but we need to amputate one of your fingers. Man ask the hole finger? Doctor said no, the one next to it.

   If it wasn't intended for you to have a midnight snack. There would not be a light in the fridge.

   A man agreeing with a woman doesn't mean he agrees with her. It's just away to shut her up.

   Guys, you'll really never know your woman untill you are married to her.

   My wife has a slight speach impediment........ Every now and then she stops to take a breath.

   Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy's.

   I called the vet. and told him that my wife willbe dropping by with our old cat. Can you euthanizer her without any pain? Sure he said, but will the cat find it's way back home alone?

   Every time my wife and I have sex, I put a dollar in a envelope. With the money I save up, I use to buy her anniversay gift. This year she getting a Mar's bar.