GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages
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I'm really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. I'm really glad you can see 92 miles ahead, but the rest of us are blind now.

Step 1: Go to a drive through. Step 2: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me"? Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.

Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex-girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a really good catch!

God made the earth then rested. God made man then rested. God made woman and since then neither God nor man have rested again.

Marriage tip: Whenever you do something good for your wife, make sure to let her know. For example: "Hey honey, I put all the laundry by the laundry machine. That way you can wash the clothes after you get done with dinner."

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and send a message to everyone: "Thank you for coming".

I used to care what people thought of me until I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.

I'm not as mean as I could be. And I want people to be more grateful for that.

If you ever drove a car without any power steering, you can literally fight anybody and win.

Last night my wife asked for peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I went and took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
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