danny boy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Just replied to an ad offering me hot sex with an older woman. Should be interesting. I am 86.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 01:21 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Childbirth. The most beautiful thing in the world… Being destroyed by a baby.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 01:54 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees. Apparently she’d stood him up.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 11:15 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
←Rate | 08-16-2013 16:03 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder… And, just my luck, not one of them likes sucking còk.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 23:29 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an awesome phrase. But it’s a horrible way to tell your kid they’re adopted.
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:32 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 23:56 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 03:01 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife’s got tîts like coconuts. Hairy as fûck.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 01:09 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon i think the guy standing next to me has given up on life, I can tell because he is barefoot at a Wal-Mart urinal..
←Rate | 09-17-2013 22:00 by danny boy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The judge sentenced me to 12 years today. Apparently, sitting on your hand for 15 minutes before shooting your wife does not mean that somebody else did it.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 23:37 by danny boy Comments (0)  



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