anonymous Funny Status Messages

   wants to say to the nice stranger he saw while driving around, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."

   says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"

   Does anyone find themselves singing hollaback girl anytime they need to spell the word bananas?

   not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!

   thinks it is wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

   ashamed of what he did for a Klondike bar.

   "used to care, but now I take a pill for that!! "

   wondering why people think they are invisible when they pick their noses in the car?

   Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.

   letting you know your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory

   doesn't make mistakes, she dates them

   Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   tired of chasing his dreams. I'm just going to ask where they are going and hook up with them later.

   in a relationship with Jack Daniel's.

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   THOUGHT about getting outta bed, still thinking, still thinking

   works hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

   knows he was unwanted as a child when he found his bath toys were a radio and a toaster!

   he often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.