Uncle Bubba Funny Status Messages

   Pro tip: Always tell anyone who calls you that your phone is about to die. This way they get straight to the point and won't waste your time.

   A kid came to my door dressed as Tony Romo. I asked him why he had no candy in his bag. He said he used to but he turned it over.

   Tony Romo tried to throw a Superbowl party but it was intercepted

   Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?

   Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can't change a tire for sh*t.

   You can't spell furloughed without f-u

   How do Amish girls know if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts

   I think Taylor Swift's song "Shake It Off" is a great potty training tool for boys

   My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response

   There is an American Olympic diver named "Steele Johnson". He could have a great job in adult films with that name...

   The night before the 1st day of school is just like Christmas Eve for parents

   That halftime show was the best....said no one ever!

   My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.

   What does a NY Giants fan do after his team wins? Turns off the xbox and goes to bed.

   Hey Peyton eat a Snickers! Why? Because you play like Tony Romo when you are hungry.

   In a desperate attempt to get the Republican nomination and to show he would be Hillary's best foe, Dr. Ben Carson changes his last name to Gazi

   Thinking of Black Friday shopping in Ferguson this year. Heard you can grab some really good deals.

   A man is a man all of his life, but a woman's just horny until she's your wife.

   How great will it be when Trump steps up to the podium after accepting the Republican nomination and says "Live from New York, it's Saturday night"....

   What does an Eagles fan do after his team wins the Super Bowl?....He turns off Madden and goes to bed