PostMan Funny Status Messages

   Does anyone know how many vacation and sick days Facebook offers if you consistently logged in everyday for the past 7 years?

   Pressure builds on Weiner to pull out early!!!

   No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you'll still never get your own back.

   How can you NOT be a pervert with a name like Weiner?!?!

   Building credibility on Facebook is like having sex with a blow up doll and telling people you get laid all the time!

   I'm glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.

   1999, people said "Britney Spears is a bad role model for young girls." 2013 the young girls are grown up. Their name is Miley Cyrus.

   Dance like the photos not being tagged. Love like you've never been unfriended. Sing like nobody's following. Share like you care. And do it all like it wont end up on Youtube!

   Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...

   Iranian Presdient Hassan Rouhani thinks he can have his Yellowcake and eat it too!!!

   Facebook can turn a real life devil into an online angel with a well written status...Power of the internet!!!

   Dear Abby My husband underwent a psych evaluation at work It said he was a compulsive eater. Should I be worried? He's a gynecologist

   Apple announced a new iPhone that doesn't work even better than the last iPhone didn't work!

   What happens when the government shuts down? Obama will stop getting free watermelon?

   Facebook should rename itself to Stalkbook!