EF Funny Status Messages

   I wrap all my Christmas gifts in bubble wrap.....it's like giving two gifts in one!

   When I first got married I would hold my wife's hands and gaze into her eyes when I talked to her. After all these years I still hold her hands and gaze into her eyes but it's mostly for self defense purposes

   Breaking News!!! It is okay to "NOT" get in a debate on a Facebook status if you really have no idea what you are talking about. You can just move on to a cat picture or something you understand and comment on that..

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds".

   The Mega Millions jackpot is now up to $586 million. The odds of winning are 1 in 259 million. Those are the same odds of Tony Romo throwing a pass to his own teammate in the fourth quarter.

   The "thank you wave" you receive after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the only thing holding this fragile society together

   Oh com'on Kim Jong everyone has a ''funny uncle'' in the family....don't you think the firing squad was a little harsh???

   When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game???

   Does anyone else feel like a 25yr old trapped in a 40yr+ body???

   Have you noticed that it's only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......

   The Scariest Horror Movies of All Time 1. The Exorcist 2. Psycho 3. The View on ABC

   One thing awesome about my childhood was being able to play with a 'toy' gun without the authorities getting involved.

   Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I'm calling Santa!"

   I watched the Wizard of Oz last night and all I could think of was "so a house fell on your sister and all you care about are her shoes?".....Women

   The Dr. who had examined my wife when she was rushed to the Emergency Room, pulled me aside and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' I said 'Me neither doc,' ......'But she's a great cook and good with the kids.'

   Kanye West "Kim fought for her position in society".....Wait Kanye, didn't she obtain her fame because of a video, in the bent over "position?"

   Life is all about deciding how much crazy you can live with.

   It would be so much more ''festive" if UPS and FEDEX guys dressed as Santa while delivering packages during the holiday season

   I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me 'Will you be putting it up yourself?' I told him, 'No, you sicko, it's going in the living room!'