Bob B Funny Status Messages

   It is bit unsettling how these ads on FB target you. Saw one today that said something like this: "Young, hot women looking for over 50 guys that are under 5"8" with symptoms of ADHD!" Sign up today!!"

   There's a motion detector in my bedroom. It never goes off.

   I walked a mile their shoes and I didn't end up carrying a flat screen 50" TV out of a closed store in Ferguson.

   Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow's milk.

   Instead of an "are you sure you want to delete?" confirmation notice, there should be a "are you sure you want to post this, you frickin idiot?" notice.

   Props to Rahm Emanuel for doing the Polar Plunge.....now it's time for him to do the Pothole Plunge

   The president pardoned a turkey yesterday...shouldn't it be the other way around?

   As I get off the rollercoaster that was 2013, I step into the elevator that is 2014, and press up. Sounds good on paper, anyway....lol

   'Tis the season in Chicagoland where there is a fine line between illegal lane usage and dodging pot holes.

   Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl just supplied the oil.

   McDonalds sponsoring the Olympics is akin to Trojan sponsoring Vatican events.

   It is becoming clear to me that the North beat the South in the Civil War by shooting fake snow at them out of cannons.

   OJ has been granted parole. He should put on a hoodie and go buy some Skittles in George Zimmerman's neighborhood.

   BREAKING NEWS: The pilot of the missing Malaysian plane was known to go by the name Waldo.

   A thief broke into my house last night searching for ‘Money’ …. I joined him in the search.

   My new girlfriend takes my breath away...she's insatiable and inflatable....then, sadly, I poked her.

   Million dollar idea: Nothing's better than the smell of a new born baby. Now if we could figure out how to bottle that in a mans cologne. Hear that sound? That's the sound of bra's snapping all over.

   the motion detector in my bedroom is turned on and it never goes off.

   I'm thinking this Super Bowl will create the biggest buzz of all and more shotguns than ever.

   Bumped and grinded last night.....my head on bed post and my teeth