BigSarge Funny Status Messages

   The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. I'm not taking any chances. **Locks Doors**

   Walmart has made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing...... Walmart is going to invade Target.

   Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"

   So many things that younger generations aren't able to do now: make prank phone calls, play outside at all hours, tell time, tie shoes.

   When I was a kid they didn't call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "A Brat about to get an a$s whooping".

   I been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna work for me.

   I like to eat at Brazilian restaurants because there will be no hair in the food

   Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh it, I'm pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.

   Please drink responsibly this weekend and don't drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won't leave the house! ... Good talk!

   I've been playing the Monopoly game at McDonalds and so far all I've won is a double chin and 3 heart attacks

   My outdoor patio furniture is breaking on me now. My transformation into "white trash" is almost complete!!

   If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you're one of them

   Not gonna lie about the sexual tension between me and this double meat, bacon and extra cheese burger............. It is what it is.

   Damn, You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.

   Whenever someone says "Oh you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"

   This week's weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.

   The guy who said "It's better to have loved and lost" never accidentally dropped his 2nd Reese's cup in the dirt.

   I discovered last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee in the middle of the night......Is sleeping right through them.

   Just once I'd like to see a random stranger gut-punch the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.

   Hopefully because of social networking, I've tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.